Amos Gets Married Read online

  “I told you. I didn’t steal them—I borrowed them. I thought later I would kind of let them run free.”

  Dunc raised one eyebrow. “Worms? Run free?”

  “Hey,” Amos said, “I’m saving lives here.”

  “I hope you know what you’re doing.” Dunc looked down at the note pad. “All right, where were we? Do you have anything else in your locker?”

  “Let’s see. There’s a sweatshirt with one sleeve missing—from the ferret incident—about two pounds of trash, my science book, a half-finished report on the external anatomy of a short-horned grasshopper, and a couple of soda cans I was saving to recycle later.”

  Dunc catalogued each item. “Is that it?”

  “That’s everything since Christmas vacation. Before that, I’m not sure.”

  Dunc moved to his desk and picked up a clear plastic bag with light pink powder in it. He held it up. “This is going to help us make sure Ralph doesn’t get away.”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s invisible ink powder. I learned how to make it from my latest issue of Junior Scientist. We’ll sprinkle it on all the stuff in your locker, and a few minutes after Ralph touches it, the ends of his fingers will be smeared with black ink. It doesn’t wash off. It has to wear off. That way, even if he denies taking the things in your locker, we’ll still have the proof we need to turn him in.”

  “Get your foot out of my face.”

  “Hold still, Amos. I can’t see anything when you move around like that.”

  “Why don’t we trade places? I’ll stand on your shoulders and look through the vent in the door. Better yet, let’s get out of this closet and watch from someplace that doesn’t smell like something was buried in it recently.”

  “Shh. There he is!”

  “Who?”

  “Ralph the custodian. And he’s almost to your locker.”

  “I hope he gets there soon. My shoulders are starting to go numb.”

  Dunc put his foot on Amos’s head. “He’s looking around. He’s standing right in front of it. Oh, no!”

  “What happened? Did he take something?”

  Dunc scrambled to the floor and opened the closet door a crack. “That’s strange. He didn’t seem to notice that your locker was open, and now he’s leaving. Come on—let’s follow him. He’s probably going for a locker at the other end of the hall.”

  The boys tiptoed down the hall a few yards behind him. Ralph turned around twice. The first time, they ducked behind a garbage can. The second time, they weren’t as lucky. Dunc grabbed Amos’s shirt and pulled him into the nearest room.

  The teachers’ lounge.

  Two of the teachers were at the coffee machine. Another one was running off photocopies, and a couple were sitting on the sofa eating doughnuts and discussing their night jobs. When they spotted the boys, the conversation stopped. Every teacher turned and stared.

  Amos took a good look around. “So this is what it looks like. I always wondered what they did in here.”

  Dunc elbowed Amos in the ribs, then grabbed him, and made for the door. “Excuse us. Wrong room.”

  “You two hold it right there.” Mr. Grossman, the gym teacher, barred the door. “What are you doing out of class? Don’t you know that this is a restricted area?”

  Dunc fumbled in his pocket for his pass from the principal. “Ms. Fishbeck gave us permission to be a few minutes late to class. We’re the new custodians’ helpers.”

  “Ooh, how nice.” Mrs. Pittbottom stood up. “I think that’s wonderful. You boys can start in here. This room never seems to get cleaned properly.”

  “Uh”—Dunc looked at his watch—“we’d love to clean in here, we really would. But we have to get to class right now. Come on, Amos. We better hurry.”

  They edged around Mr. Grossman and ran down the hall.

  Dunc stopped running when they turned the corner. He was breathing hard. “Made it. Now let’s see if we can spot Ralph before it’s time for us to be in class.”

  “Wait until I see that Donny Wilson,” Amos said.

  “Why?”

  “He said the teachers have hundreds of little shrunken heads and they keep them on this long string in the teachers’ lounge. He said they belong to former students. And when they have teachers’ meetings in there, they’re really holding secret ceremonies to decide on their next victim. I didn’t see one shrunken head in there. Did you?”

  “Amos, I can’t believe you’d pay attention to anything Donny Wilson says. He still claims Michael Jordan pulled up to his house in a white limousine and asked if he could come in and use the bathroom.”

  “That didn’t happen either?”

  “Amos.”

  “Well, it’s possible.”

  Dunc held up his hand. “Here comes Ralph, and it looks like he’s hiding something. Quick—act nonchalant.”

  “Non-what?”

  “Casual. Act casual.”

  “Oh.” Amos put his hands in his pockets and pretended to be reading the bulletin board. Ralph had something hidden behind his back. When he passed the boys, he moved it around to his front.

  “We’ve got him now,” Dunc whispered. “He went into that rest room. All we have to do is catch him with the goods.”

  “Wait. I’m not so sure about this. Maybe we should get reinforcements. After all, Ralph is a pretty big guy.”

  “Come on, Amos. It’s now or never.”

  “I vote for never. What’s a few notebooks and pencils, anyway?”

  “Melissa.”

  “What does Melissa have to do with this? Ralph didn’t take her notebook.”

  “If you were to solve this case, Melissa would be so impressed, she’d adore you.”

  Amos straightened his collar. “In case you haven’t noticed, Melissa already adores me.”

  “Yeah, but that’s because she got knocked in the head. I’m talking about permanent adoration, even after she comes back to her regular self.”

  “You mean you think she’ll wake up, remember that I saved everybody’s school supplies, and love me forever after all?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Okay. But if I’m going to get the credit, let me do the talking.”

  Dunc followed him to the door of the rest room. Amos squared his shoulders and stuck his chin out. He put his hand on the door and pushed. “All right, Ralph. This is a citizen’s arrest. We’ve caught you red-handed … smoking?”

  Ralph quickly threw his cigarette in the toilet. “I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to quit. I know it’s against school rules. Please, please—don’t turn me in. I need this job.”

  Amos glared at Dunc. “One moment, Ralph. Let me confer with my assistant.” Amos pushed Dunc up against the sink. “I thought you told me he was stealing school supplies. I didn’t know we were busting him for breaking the school no-smoking policy.”

  “We’re not busting him.” Dunc looked under Amos’s arm. “Sorry, Ralph. We’ve made a tiny mistake here. We’ll just be on our way to class now. You, ah—you really should do something about that habit though. See ya.”

  The boys quietly backed out the door.

  “I can’t believe we just did that,” Amos said. “We made a grown man cry.”

  Dunc looked at his watch. “I can’t believe we’re twenty minutes late to class. Do you have your math book?”

  “No. I was hoping Ralph would take it, and then I’d have an excuse not to bring it to class anymore.”

  “Hurry up and get it. I’ll wait for you by the water fountain.”

  “Duunnc!”

  “What is it, Amos? We don’t have time to mess around.”

  “I think you better see this.”

  Dunc moved around the bank of lockers. Amos was standing in front of his. The door was hanging wide open.

  The locker was empty.

  “Do you mind if we stop by Melissa’s house on the way home? She said she has a present for me.”

  “No.” Dunc straightened his h
andlebars and concentrated on the road.

  “Is something bothering you?”

  “It’s the case. I was sure Ralph was guilty. I guess someone else must have put that stuff in the custodians’ closet. I don’t have another suspect now that Ralph is out of the picture.”

  “I told you, we’ll go to school early tomorrow and look for somebody with ink-stained fingertips. It’ll be a cinch.”

  Dunc sighed. “I know. It’s just that I was so sure it was Ralph. How could I have been so wrong? I’m sorry about all your stuff.”

  “I’m not. Now I don’t have to bring any books to school. I just hope whoever took the worms takes good care of them. I kind of started to like them. I named some of them and thought maybe I could train them to come, or heel …”

  Amos pulled up in Melissa’s driveway. Dunc stopped at the curb.

  “Aren’t you coming in?” Amos asked.

  “No, I’ll wait out here. You two are enough to make anybody throw up, with all those dumb names you call each other.”

  “Hi, honey-muffin!” Melissa waved at Amos from the upstairs window.

  “See what I mean?” Dunc said.

  Amos spread his arms out. “Can I help it? The girl’s crazy about me. Be right back.”

  The front door opened, and Amos disappeared inside. In a few minutes he was back out carrying a big white box with a red bow tied around it.

  “What did she get you?”

  “I don’t know. She said not to open it until I get home.”

  Dunc stepped on one pedal and pushed off. “Come on—I’ll race you.”

  First Amos tried to carry the box under his arm. Then he tried to balance it on his lap. He finally had to get off and carry the box with one hand and push his bike with the other.

  Dunc was waiting for him on the front porch. “What kept you?”

  Amos ignored him. He dropped his bike on the lawn and headed for the front door. Dunc followed him into the living room.

  Amos ripped the top off of the box. Inside was a brand-new pair of Rollerblades, a fluorescent green sweatband, and a wristband to match.

  “Wow!” Amos pulled the blades out of the box. “She’s really crazy about me!”

  “Too bad you can’t keep all this stuff,” Dunc said.

  Amos stiffened. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, you’ll probably want to give it all back, considering she’s out of her head and everything.”

  “I will?”

  “Sure. It’s only right. She must have spent a lot of money on this stuff. Look at this tag. It says Stephenson’s. That’s the most expensive store in town.”

  Amos sighed. “I would have to have you around to remind me of these things. Why couldn’t I have someone without a conscience for my best friend?”

  Dunc shrugged. “Just lucky, I guess. Want me to help you take it back to her?”

  “No. I think I’ll wait awhile and figure out something better to tell her than ‘I can’t keep this stuff because you’re nuts.’ ”

  Dunc rubbed his chin. “You’ve got a point there.” He snapped his fingers. “I know. We’ll take the stuff back to Stephenson’s ourselves. You can give the money to Melissa and tell her they didn’t fit.”

  Amos put the blades back in the box. “You don’t think maybe I should keep them? You know, on the outside chance that she really loves me?”

  Dunc shook his head.

  “I was afraid of that.”

  Stephenson’s was next to the Pioneer Mall on the way toward town. Amos lived on the outskirts of town in a development. It took the boys twenty minutes to bike to the mall. It would have taken less time, but Amos was still having trouble figuring out how to carry the big white box.

  Dunc locked his bike. “Want me to hold the box while you lock your bike?”

  “Now he offers.” Amos handed him the box. “I’ll be happy to get rid of this thing. I didn’t know doing the right thing was so much work.”

  “You’ll be glad you did it when this is all over.” Dunc held the door to Stephenson’s open for him.

  The inside of Stephenson’s looked more like an expensive hotel than a sporting goods store. The carpet was plush, and chandeliers hung from the ceiling.

  A saleslady dressed like she was attending the opera headed for them. She looked Amos over for a few seconds. “May I help you, young man?”

  Amos dropped the box on the counter. “Yeah. You can give me a refund for all the stuff in this box.”

  The woman opened the box like she expected a snake to jump out. “Do you have a receipt for this merchandise?”

  Amos shook his head. “No. But everything has the name of the store right on it, so I know it came from here.”

  “Please wait here while I get the manager.” The woman turned abruptly and walked to the back of the store. The boys could see her talking to a tall, thin man in a black suit.

  “I hope this doesn’t take too long.” Dunc sat down on a long couch. “I need to put the finishing touches on my pretend marriage budget. It’s due tomorrow.”

  Amos joined him on the couch. “Mrs. Wormwood said she had a bonus for the couple that did the best job. I wonder what it is?”

  “I don’t care, as long as I get Bertha Abercromby out of my life forever.”

  The man and woman walked back to the sales counter together. The man twisted his handlebar moustache. “Would you gentlemen be so kind as to tell me where you obtained this merchandise?”

  Dunc stood up. “It was a gift. Is there a problem?”

  “That depends. You see, this merchandise did in fact come from this store. But these things just happen to be the exact same items that were stolen from us yesterday.”

  “Stolen?” Amos jumped off the couch.

  “I’m afraid so.” The man moved around the counter. “Perhaps you could help us find the thief. Who gave these things to you?”

  “There has to be some other explanation. Melissa’s not a thief.” Amos folded his arms and sat on Dunc’s bed.

  Dunc looked up from the book he was reading. “What other explanation could there be? The saleslady said she remembered a girl with long blond hair in the store yesterday. She said the girl was sweet but left without buying anything.”

  “So? There must be hundreds of sweet girls in this town with long blond hair. It could have been any one of them.”

  Dunc leaned back in his chair. “It’s a good thing that salesman believed your story about finding that Rollerblade stuff wrapped in a box by your front door. Otherwise, Melissa would be in jail by now.”

  Amos stuck his lip out. “She didn’t do it!”

  A thoughtful look came over Dunc. “Amos, did you happen to notice Melissa’s fingertips when you were at her house earlier?”

  Amos cocked his head. “Her fingertips?”

  “Yeah. They weren’t black or anything, were they?”

  “Now that you mention it, I did notice some black smudges on them. I thought maybe she’d been working in the garden or something.” Amos sat up. “Wait a minute. You don’t think Melissa is the school thief, too, do you?”

  “I wonder …” Dunc thumbed through his book on psychiatric abnormalities. He flipped through the pages and stopped at the section on head injuries. “Hmmm. That’s interesting.”

  “Are you going to let me in on it?”

  “It says here that people who suffer head injuries often do things completely opposite from what they normally would do.”

  “Like ripping off expensive stores and taking things out of people’s lockers?”

  Dunc nodded.

  Amos sank down on the bed. “What are we going to do? We can’t let her go to jail.”

  “The book says there are only two ways to help her. The safest is to let it wear off gradually.”

  “What’s the second way?”

  Dunc turned the page. “Another bump on the head.”

  “Forget that. Nobody’s hitting Melissa while I’m around.”

  “
Then there’s only one thing left to do.”

  “What?”

  “You’ve got to return all the stuff she took and follow her everywhere she goes to make sure she doesn’t take anything else.”

  “What do you mean, I’ve got to do it? I thought we were in on this thing together.”

  “I’ll help when I can. But Melissa’s your girlfriend. You can be around her without making her suspicious.”

  Amos grinned. “That has such a nice ring to it.”

  “What?”

  “The part where you said she’s my girlfriend.”

  “Don’t get too used to it. Soon she’s bound to come back to her normal self.”

  “But in the meantime …”

  Dunc put the psychiatric book on his desk. “In the meantime, we have to figure out where Melissa is hiding the rest of the things she took from school and how you’re going to give it all back without getting in trouble yourself.”

  Amos put his hands behind his head and lay back on Dunc’s bed. “I’m not worried. You’ll come up with something.”

  “And I said I wasn’t worried.” Amos moved a piece of shrubbery out of his nose. “In case you didn’t know it, they also put you in jail for breaking and entering.”

  The boys were hiding in the flower garden behind Melissa’s house, waiting for her mother to take her to dance class.

  Dunc peeked over the hedge. “I wouldn’t look at it as breaking and entering, exactly. It’s more like we’re a couple of uninvited guests. You know, like when your uncle Alfred comes over.”

  “Except everybody in my family knows when Uncle Alfred is in our house, because he takes his shoes off and picks his toes through his moldy socks. In fact I’m pretty sure even the neighbors can tell when Uncle Alfred comes to visit. It’s rank.”

  “We won’t be in there long, Amos. We’ll just do a quick check and then we’re out. She may not have the stuff hidden in there anyway.” Dunc looked at his watch. “I thought you said Melissa was supposed to leave for dance lessons?”

  The front door slammed. Melissa and her mother came rushing out and got into the station wagon.

  Dunc watched from the safety of the hedge until the station wagon was well out of sight. “All clear. Let’s go.”